========
To: <labyfic@issl.atl.hp.com>
Subject: [labyfic] Viagra Falls (Adult)
From: "anakerie" <anakerie@fuse.net>
Date: Sat, 5 Jun 1999 21:25:57 -0500

Below is a story a few of us were working several months ago. I'm
posting it now because Dreamspinner was one of the contributors. It is
the last thing I can remember her writing, Labyrinth related, although I
could be wrong. It is quite adult, so please be warned.
Anakerie

------------
Viagra Falls

"Yer Majesty? Where should we dump these?" A goblin staggared under the
weight of a large plastic sack, teeming with raw oysters.

Jareth glanced up, his face even more pouty than usual. He did not look
well at all, with the dark circles under his eyes forming a very
disturbing contrast to the white eyeshadow. "My chamber will surfice." He
said through gritted teeth.

This was not happening to him. COULD NOT be happening. It had to be some
kind of a spell, but he detected no enchantment upon himself. Sighing,
he went to his chambers, stepping over the mess of oysters. The smell
was taunting, and he kicked one angrily. Of all the cruel jokes for fate
to play.

Locking the door, he jerked down his tights and started moodily at his
crotch. He poked his manhood sharply. OUCH! Well, he still had sensation
in it, anyway. So why the hell wasn't it working? He closed his eyes,
imagining billow fae woman with eager mouths decending on him. Nope,
nothing. He tried again, this time picturing billowy listians decending
on him with eager mouths. Still nothing. He glared at his penis. "A
little cooperation here, if you don't mind!" It hung limp and
unresponsive. He tried his last vision; Bea Arthur in a thong. Still
nothing. Damn it to hell.

Well, it was probably just a temporary thing. It couldn't REALLY be
broken. What should he do? Of course! Viagra! Earth men were raving about
the wonderful stuff. He'd just have to go procure some until this terrible
tragedy had passed. He stared at his manhood again. "And you say I never
take you anywhere. Well, don't work, Fremont. Daddy's going to go get you
some medicine to make you all better."

Jerking up his tights, Jareth marched out of his chambers purposely and
began rounding up goblins. "Where are we going, yer majesty."

"We are going to Earth. To a place known as..Walgreens Pharmacy. We are
on a quest for...Viagra."

--------------------
Night Owl

Jareth stood outside the Walgreen's and sighed. Had it really come to
THIS? Was he really this desperate?

The goblins rallied around him, eager to do...anything. He scowled,
crossed his arms and watched a young woman, clad in very tight jeans and
a halter top enter the store. Nothing.

"Why?" he muttered to himself. "Why am I here?"

An obtuse goblin piped up. "Because your insolent?"

Jareth glared dangerously at the goblin, then returened his thoughts to
his present dilemma. Even his beloved Matilda hadn't been able to rouse
his royal pride from it's slumber. He thought back to about a week ago
when this whole trouble started...

It had been a day like any other day. Rule the Labyrinth, steal a baby,
kick a goblin and end the day in bed with his maid, Matilda.

Tilly was in the shower when he went to her room so he walked into the
bathroom to watch her. The shower was the open kind, without a tub or
curtain, allowing Jareth a full view of Tilly as she rinsed the soap out
of her hair. He felt familiar stirrings below and smiled slightly.
Matilda could always get a rise out of him.

With a mere thought he shed his clothing and snuck up behind Tilly,
pinning her against the shower wall and caressing her slick, wet body with
his magical hands.

"OH!" she gasped as her skin met the cold stone wall. "Tis cold..." she
murrmered as his he trailed kisses across her neck and down her back.
"Mmm", she sighed.

Jareth stepped back and into the spray of almost too hot water. Tilly
turned to watch and smiled when he looked at her. He had that look in his
eyes that told her he was up to no good. He grabbed the soap and held
it out to her.

"Wash me," he commanded. Tilly took the soap and lathered up a
washcloth. She took her time washing him as he did his best to distract
her from her duties with sensual kisses that left her breathless. She always
saved washing the best parts of him for last and as she kneeled before
him and gently washed she suddenly asked a question that she had wanted to
ask for a very long time.

"Does it come off? Can you carry it in a pouch?" She bit her lip and
wondered what had possessed her to ask such a thing.

"What?" he hissed, pulling her to her feet.

"Well, I...I just wondered because...because there's rumors been goin'
round about yer losin' it once and...well..." She looked at him pleadingly.

"WELL?"

"Is it true?" she squeaked.

"It is just a story, nothing more," he said curtly. His once good mood
now soured he stepped out of the shower and immediately dried and and
donned a bathrobe.

"I'll be in my room." Tilly knew what he meant. He expected her to come
to his room and stroke his wounded ego. She sighed and finished her
shower before heading off to his chambers.

****

Tilly giggled and playfully jumped on top of Jareth, stradling him in
what should have been a very arousing way. "Yer Majesty, you can't be serious!"

"I am quite serious."

"Has this ever 'appened to ya before?", she asked.

"NO!" he snapped.

Tilly looked a little hurt for being snapped at, then grinned. "I'm sure
tis nothing, yer Majesty. It's always worked just fine fer me before.
Maybe it just need a little TLC."

"TLC?" Jareth gave her a worried look.

She laughed and replied, "Why, tender luvin' care of course!" Tilly slid
off of him and snuggled next to him sliding her hand up his thigh to caress
his manliness. Nothing happened. Poor Tilly tried everything she could
think of and a few things she never thought of before but nothing happened.

"For the sake of the Underground! Woman, give it up! It's not going to
work!", he finally said after several hours. "Get out and leave me alone,"
he said as he turned on his side. He violently fluffed his pillow,
yanked the covers over his naked body and threw the lamp across the room
and out the window. A second later they heard a crash and a yelp of pain
from the guard below.

"Yer Majesty...I'm sure it happens to everyone now an' then. Don't be
worrin' about it so," she consoled him, trying to hide her disappointment.

Now, a week later, Jareth was desperate for a solution. He gathered up
his goblins and walked into the store....

_____________________________________________________
Maedeline

My humble little contribution, borne of snippets of a memorable,
late-night conversation with Ana, blessed be she.

"HEY YER MAJESTY!"

Jareth turned stiffly, shoulders hunched to his ears, a deathly glare
shooting from his eyes. He softened somewhat when the comely young
salesgirl passed, eyeing his tights wantonly. Sizing him up, as it were.

Time to turn on the charm, he thought to himself, completely forgetting
what it was that had brought him here in the first place.

"I've been sadly mistaken," he purred, sidling up to the giggling
salesgirl, admiring the way her smock fell across her ample teenage
bosom.

"Huh?" she asked. Oh, she was adorable!

"I always believed I'd have to die to see Heaven."

She swooned, and Jareth silently added another notch to his mental six-
shooter. She couldn't have melted any more if he'd held a candle beneath
those perky breasts. Oh, the places he'd go!

"HEY YER MAJESTY!" called the goblin again, this time dangling from a
sign overhanging the aisle. He pointed to something down on one of the
shelves and hollered, "I FOUND IT! I FOUND IT! YOU NEEDED VAGISIL, RIGHT?"

"VIAGRA, YOU FOOL!" Jareth countered, all at once horrified and wilting
beneath the knowing grin that curled the salesgirl's full, waiting lips.
She snickered at him and sauntered on to more.able territory.

"When we return to the castle," he told the offending goblin between
clenched teeth, "remind me to torture you most egregiously."

The goblin smiled a slick, spitty grin and swung the sign like a trapeze
bar.

Below, all hell was breaking loose in Walgreens' 'Family Planning' area.
Goblins were quickly converting endcaps stocked with condoms and
contraceptive gels into goo-filled balloon bombing stations.

Leaving the nasty little creatures to their revels, he peered all around
in search of his own personal Mecca. Finally, the glory and rapture of
it in his heart, he ran toward the sweet, sweet sight of glowing neon.

The sign read PHARMACY.

A stodgy, ancient Pakistani, his lined face swarthy against the
immaculate whiteness of his uniform, toddled forward. "Yes, please to
help you?" he asked cheerfully.

Jareth leaned forward, making certain no one was within earshot.
"Viagra."

The pharmacist craned in, thrusting his ear in Jareth's disgusted face.
He didn't know hair could grow there! "So sorry, what?"

"I need Viagra," he uttered lowly. "And make it quick."

"Oh, you need the blue wanky-wanky!" He pronounced proudly, winking. An
obscene, goblinesque leer stretched across his lips. Jareth filed the
man away in his own little Rolodex; he may have need of a substitute goblin
someday. "Don't you be no worry, ma'am. We get your husband nice again
like rock!"

"MA'AM?" he roared, his ego shriveling like his-

"Please to have prescription?" he asked, his smile bright and chipper.

This caught his attention. "Prescription?" he asked incredulously. "I
have no prescription."

"No prescription?" asked the old pharmacist. "Oh, so sorry! No
prescription, no boom-boom. So sorry, bye-bye! NEXT!"

A ripe little leather-faced growth popped his head up from the next
aisle. "HEY YER MAJESTY! 'S THIS THAT MAGAZINE YOU WAS LOOKING FOR?" The
scaly creature held up a copy of JUGGS 'N JAN: BRADY GIRLS GONE BAD.
"Shut up!" he hissed, turning around and snatching the magazine away. He
tucked it into his vest for later.

"OO! Lady, you pay for that or I call rent-a-cops!" the pharmacist
threatened.

The old man was obviously senile not to see just with whom he was
dealing. Jareth waved him away. "Have you any idea who I am?"

"Sure!" the pharmacist huffed indignantly. "You a flat-chested lady
thinks she's going to get Viagra with no prescription!"

"I AM NOT A WOMAN, YOU FOOL!"

The pharmacist winked knowingly at him, patting his hand reassuringly.
"Rajeem understands. I been there, myself. Denial only make it harder."
He snickered. "Or not."

"GIVE ME VIAGRA OR YOU SHALL SUFFER A FATE WORSE THAN TEA-TIME IN THE
BOG!"

Rajeem nodded solemnly and went back between drug-stocked shelving
muttering to himself, "Okay, okay. Lady want Viagra, Lady get Viagra&"

He sighed with relief. Finally! He surveyed the Walgreens, shaking his
head glumly at the distant screams of goblin-harassed young women. A
moment later, the pharmacist toddled back over to him with a small packet
of pills.

"Ah!" Jareth cried, grabbing the packet and stuffing it into his vest,
patting the Jan Brady centerfold spread lovingly as he did so. "Sklarr!
Ochre! Pay the man!"

He sauntered to the exit, tossing the patient counseling sheet over his
shoulder as he went. "Instructions," he sniffed. "I've no need of these!
Come, my goblins! Methinks," he grinned wickedly, "there's an orgy to be
had."

The gaggle of cheering critters followed him out of the store, foul
plots and fiendish plans involving the most winsome of chickens churning in
their hot little heads.

Only Luber, a tiny newbie still fresh from the taking, lagged behind. He
was a sad little thing, with slate-blue skin not yet used to the infrequent
washings he would receive as one of Jareth's own. He picked up the
instruction sheet, straining to make some sense of the strange symbols and
marks scrawled across the page. He knew that: it was an "O." And didn't
that look like an "R"? After a few more minutes of the identification game,
he dropped the page to the ground in frustration. Why bother? If King
Jareth didn't need them, then he didn't need them, either!

Besides, he thought distantly, images of the beautiful, powerful, oh so
sublime Goblin King dancing before his awed little eyes, what kind of a
word was O-R-A-L-C-O-N-T-R-A-C-E-P-T-I-V-E, anyway?

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dreamspinner

Thus encouraged....heheheheheheheheh

Viagra Falls, Day 1.5

Jareth sat on his throne (NOT thrown- every time I read that in a new story,
pics of him flying thru the air and splatting on the opposite wall...oh the
visions! Mwah!). He had taken nearly all of the Viagra, the little blister
packages were scattered pell-mell in all directions. He could not help but
wonder why he was feeling all bloated and his tights didn't seem to be fitting
him right....he also had very strange but major itchies on his chest-itchies
strong enough to cause him to remove his gloves and scratch as regally as
possible- something totally beneath his station, and therefore put him
in a sour mood. The itchy spots began to swell, and soon the king was looking
in the mirror to see himself with two perfectly perky breasts. His howls shook
the Labyrinth to its very foundations. He was going to kill that pharmacist.

"Eh? Oh- you back again. Listen Lady, I can only give you Viagra if you
have a prescription. Umm...you might want to cover those up dear. Seems the
little pills I gave you did do something right after all." the ugly old coot
leered at Jareth, who ignored him. when the next person in line held out their
prescription, he froze the image in his mind's eye and reproduced it on
a neat white doctor's pharmacy pad, changing the other prescript to VIAGRA and
the quantity to 10000.

This he handed the stunned pharmacist, who blabbered on about how sorry
he was and how unprofessionally he had acted, blah blah blah. He shot into
the back and returned with three bottles of pills and a apologetic look on
his face.

"Ummm...these will have to tide you over until the rest can come in. I
will personally see that they are ordered this very afternoon. It shouldn't
be but a few days. And tell your husband to take them as directed. there
are some serious side effects."

"Like the pills you gave me yesterday?" Jareth's voice slithered around
the man and ended in a choke hold on his throat.

The Pharmacist only could nod.