========
To: marysia@jadzia.demon.co.uk (Marysia Kolodziej)
Subject: THE PACKAGE TWO:  A Piece Of The Action 1-2/9
From: rebl@sos.net (Rebecca C. Lewinski)
Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 23:20:25 -0700 (PDT)

Here ya go!  Parts 1 and 2
*****************

Hey, hey, hey, you all knew it had to happen SOME time!!!!  The Evil Elves
Writing Guild is proud to present the long awaited sequel to:

*drumroll please*

THE PACKAGE!!!!!!

(are those yells or groans we hear?  Oh hell, it's neither, it's a volley of
- of - PEACHES!!!!!!  AIEEEE-splut!)

Cough, eck, ptui (Rebecca picks some peach skin off her nose and off her
manuscript.)  Like I said, THE PACKAGE TWO had to happen, even if it took
more than a year.  We had too much fun the last time.

Do enjoy.  Comments loved, as the work of a lot of hands and hearts went
into this.

Fondest chirps to you from the Evil Elves who worked on this tale....

Rebecca L. %%~ in the Great Northwest  rebl@sos.net
Dreamspinner   Dreamspinner@twilightrealm.com
Xarael  Artemis148@aol.com
April Daley  aprilpd@Netdoor.com
MadMarian  Andi Beard ab232197@oak.cats.ohiou.edu

*********

"The Package Two:  A Piece Of The Action"

By The Evil Elves Writing Guild:  Dreamspinner, Rebecca L., Xarael, April
Daley and MadMarian

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Standard disclaimers apply, Dreamspinner belongs to herself, and she watches
over Gwydion and the Wild Hunt. Cynthia E.I. belongs to herself and she also
owns Che (but he wouldn't have it any other way ;D), dear Sylvie and Little
Frankie belong to each other but Rebecca's their foster mom.  Now for a
rating on this tale.... um.  Well, Racing Goblins are just a part of goblin
physiology, and a fact of life in the Labyrinth and every little goblin
grows up knowing about such stuff.  But every little human doesn't.  So, if
loose lucid reproductive body parts disturb you, don't read THIS story!

Now, I should mention that a Gillymander Sprite as documented by Froud and
Jones in 'Strange Stains And Mysterious Smells' is a Smell-Sprite that finds
the scent of dirty socks ravishing.
And here's what Froud and Jones have to say about the creature Fowler,
mentioned in the Labyrinthian bible "The Goblin Companion":  'Trusted by no
one, shunned by everyone, feared and despised in equal proportions, Fowler
sneaks his way through the Labyrinth with his nets and snares.  Each little
bird or small goblin that he traps he sticks in his bag and takes=85 no one
knows where.  Nobody knows where or when he will strike next=85 but strike=
he
will and he will ensnare us all in time.'

Chapter One:  What Evil Lurks...
(Rebecca L.)

"Punkin!  Please!  No games, now!  Sylvie ain't so young nowadays -- we gots
to get home to cook supper for our mister=85 come on out, Little=
Frankie....."

The little pouch jiggled and twitched with amusement, eyeing the goblin
woman's ample backside as she checked under every bush.  With a squeak it
bounced right by her splayed foot and went whirring away into the brush.
Sylvie cursed, hobbling after the Racing Goblin package as best she could.
"Dammit!" she huffed.  "Mum was right, marry someone who can keep it
together.... coulda done worse, I suppose, there was that young Firey
lad.....  PUNKIN!!!!"  she screeched.

Deep black eyes watched impassively from the undergrowth, shaggy head
turning to better track the goblin woman's bumbling progress as she pursued
her marital property.  The watcher ghosted into a rough patch of light.  If
Sylvie had chosen that moment to look behind her, her feet would have
sprouted wings as surely as the screams would have tumbled from her throat.
Fowler was stalking her now, Fowler, hunter of his own kind and thus the
most hated goblin in the Labyrinth.  Fowler swiveled a large ear forward as
he studied her retreating rear, thoughtfully fingering his poaching bag and
nets.  The pouch did not interest him, and its clumsy mate was nearly as big
as himself.  If she were smaller and more tender with youth, then perhaps=85=
?
Fowler shrugged.  He'd let the goblin woman go..... this time.  As it was,
the racket this couple made would soon flush out better, tastier game.  He
listened carefully for the wild chirps of the pouch and with a flick of his
rat's tail easily moved forward through the brush to keep pace with it.  He
sighted it up ahead in a clearing, and heard a promising rustle of birds in
the bush.  Suddenly a cowled figure darted forward and dropped a net over
the little package.  At hearing her beloved's frightened squeals a panicked
Sylvie tumbled into the clearing.  The cowled figure froze for an instant as
she fell at his feet, then dropped his prize into a sack and darted away to
Sylvie's frantic screams.

Fowler frowned. What could anyone want with those pouches -- other than the
Obvious?  He stepped into the clearing, listening for the direction the
pouch-poacher had taken.  Sylvie screeched again, fingers desperately
clutching for a rock to fling at the bogeyman of the Goblin City.  With a
contemptuous stare Fowler raised a long taloned finger to his lips and
started after the stranger, Sylvie's threats to bring the King on his head
ringing in his ears.  Fowler gave her the goblin equivalent of the Universal
Salute and whispered through the undergrowth on the trail of his new prey.=

The figure was as large as a man and moved as clumsily.  Fowler easily got
ahead of it on the path and decided to test a technique he wished to spring
some day on his wretched King - after all, Fowler had sworn long ago in the
King's own hall to get them all in the end, hadn't he?  Fowler grinned with
satisfaction.  The man-thing on the path would be perfect for testing his
little trap.  Fowler quickly shinnied up a tree and set his net, nearly
snarling it at a sudden sharp fragrance in the air.  He looked down in the
direction of the scent.  Interesting.  Another figure had joined the first,
her long blood red nails tapping impatiently on her leather-clad hip.

"Che!"  the woman shrieked.  "Move your gorgeous ass!  We have a shipping
deadline to make!!!"

Curiouser and curiouser!  Fowler stayed well-hid in the tree's canopy,
listening intently, his cat-like ears swiveling to catch the faintest noise.
The pouch-poacher huffed his way over to the elegant woman, dropping a large
wriggling sack at her feet.

"So sorry, mi querida.  There were some especially nice specimens out and
about today."

Cynthia, E.I., bent over and took a quick peek inside the squeaking sack.  A
low whistle of appreciation escaped her blood-red lips.  "oh, Boogie Nights,
babe!!!  Che... some of these are......... monsters.  And they'll fetch a
huge price once they're cleaned up and dipped in-"

Fowler had heard enough to completely sicken even him.  In disgust he let
the net drop on the couple below, jumping down after it.  He efficiently cut
away the sack of Racing Goblins in the confusion, and disappeared with the
bag before the E.I. could blast him.

%%~  %%~  %%~

"By All that's Holy....."  the Goblin King muttered.  Jareth was in a
perfectly foul mood.  He had thrown himself gracelessly across his throne,
chin in his hand.  By the Moon, what had he been thinking last month?  That
Fae woman he peached at the Summer Ball wouldn't leave him alone.  She
realized, once the enchantment had worn off, that he really hadn't meant to
give her a pair of socks that night, but had something Else in mind.  And
now she wanted to collect.

Jareth sighed in disgust.  While she was interested in him, he was no longer
remotely interested in her.  He dreaded what form her revenge might take.
Pretty -- and rich! -- as she was, she was still a Gillymander, a type of
Smell-Sprite with certain 'habits', and with his new joined condition he
couldn't stand the thought of sharing the same bed with her.  It had been
his plan to lend her his Package in the Gardens, then sit back to see what
would happen.  Far easier romantically, amusing visually, and less prone to
suddenly feeling as though one were immersed in the Bog.  Jareth sighed
again over that missed opportunity.  He was beginning to wonder now if he
had done the right thing in having Dreamspinner reattach his Package
permanently.  It made sense at the time, as of all his family jewels it was
his hands-down favorite -- just the right size to inspire awe, yet not so
overwhelming as to require special tailoring to his clothing.  He had since
freed the others that had been passed down to him over the generations,
releasing them from their dark little chests to roam the Labyrinth.  He
wished now he had not been so rash.  Some of the more breathtaking specimens
would have been useful in his quest to deflect the attentions of a certain
Sprite.

Jareth lifted his chin as the sounds of a disturbance swept through the
castle.  He really didn't hear the goblins scream *Fowler*, did he???  The
screeching reached the Throne Room and followed Fowler in, but the rabble
fell silent under the creature's icy stare as he stalked silently toward
Jareth's throne.  What had brought this disgusting individual out into the
light of day and into his Castle?  Jareth straightened in his seat as he
exchanged malevolent glances with this most unwelcome guest.  Fowler dropped
his sack and coolly opened it, spilling a few dozen Racing Goblin pouches on
the floor as they twittered in relief.  Dismayed, the King stood up as the
assembled goblins gasped, one screaming "Frankie!" as a pouch jumped into
her hands.  Jareth glanced at her, now remembering the old creature had been
part of that bloody little war in the Castle Laundry during the Summer Ball.
She had been babbling away earlier about someone taking pouches in the
Labyrinth, but Jareth had been too caught up in his current woes to give her
his full attention, and had warned her to remain silent with a neatly placed
kick.  Well, obviously the old thing was on to something, and he had better
address it now.

"Fowler, what have you to say about this?"  Jareth spat.  Fowler merely
looked at him, and toed a larger pouch toward the King's throne.  Jareth
almost blushed as he recognized it as a family heirloom.  He bit his lip and
squatted down to listen to what the cheeping package had to chirp.  What
little color was in his face drained away, and then he flushed deep red --
not so much in anger at what she was doing, but that the little witch hadn't
cut him in on the deal.  It was a brilliant, quite lucrative plan for
culling the excess pouches.  Still, he couldn't allow his resident sorceress
to continue at will.  Some of those pouches were profoundly spoken for, and
to have them stolen away would cause a revolution among his subjects.....

%%~  %%~  %%~

"Hoggle, I still don't understand WHY you have to poison those fairies.
Can't people just avoid them?"  Sarah pouted.

"Little lady, didja come here to make trouble or to discuss Ludo's weddin'?
Besides, Sarah, you don't know what all these here fairies do besides bite.
Ya never asked, didja?"  Hoggle blasted another one as Sarah winced.

"All right.  What do they do?"

"If you don't leave my kingdom this instant, I'll have them show you
personally." a familiar voice informed her.  Jareth was behind her and
looking none too happy.  Hoggle gulped in fright, nearly dropping his spray=
gun.

"I'm sorry Hoggle, you will have to tell me another time...." Sarah
whispered.  She faced Jareth, arms crossed.  "Jareth, I can come and go as I
please.  I won that right fair and square when I won back Toby."

Jareth sauntered over and locked his glittering eyes with hers.  "That may
well be... wench.  We also agreed that our paths not cross here, lest I
conveniently forget the rules.  Go -- *immediately*, or I will send some of
those winged afflictions along to accompany you."  Sarah chewed on her lower
lip, but nodded, raised her arms and wished herself home.

Jareth watched her disappear with a sour smirk.  "She's almost, what,
eighteen, now, Hoghead?  Well, never mind.  She will someday regret that she
spurned me.  But onto the business at hand."

"And what would that be, sir?"  Hoggle inquired, trying mightily not to
appear anxious.

"You will deliver my message to Cynthia, E.I. about a joint business
arrangement.  If I go myself, I fear she may run to the ends of the earth to
avoid me.  She's not likely to hide from you."

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Here we go, Round Two on Package Two!
for those of you following Package One and Package Two but aren't familiar
with the exploits of Evil Incarnate herself, our darling Cynthia built a
casino on the Castle Junkyard property some time back after foxing Jareth
out of the lease.  For more Cynthia and other fine stories, please see Clara
Gerl's 'Twisted Side of the Labyrinth' at
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Rampart/8208/twisted.html

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Chapter Two:  A Piece Of The Action
(Rebecca L. and April D)

"Mi Querida, this seems..... drastic. Leaving the casino for a few weeks."

"Babe, just hand me that file and get the rest of them boxed up to take with
us.  Wouldn't want His Tightness to overreact and destroy our records over a
few loose body parts.  We're overdue for a business trip anyway." the E.I.
tossed a few more cheeping packages into a box and quickly sealed it.
"Whoa. Who the hell is that?"  She studied the bank of video screens on the
wall.  "It's Jareth's wretch of an errand-boy.  Owes the casino money too.
He's awfully brave -- or really stupid.  What's his name?  Fish-wart?"

"I think it's Hogwart."

The intercom crackled to life.  "Miz Cynthia?  It's Hoggle, here, with a
business offer from King Jareth."

"Business offer, huh?" the E.I. smirked and put a blood red nail up to her
pursed lips, "What do you think, my pet, should I lower myself to negotiate
with Tights-Boy?"

The large hunk of man-meat furrowed his brow and crossed his arms. "I don't
like him one bit-"

"I didn't ask if you liked him or not," Cynthia hissed, rolling her eyes, "I
asked if you think I should negotiate with him!"

"Oh," Che shrugged meekly, "I guess it's up to you."

"That's a better answer......,"  the E.I. purred a smile, " and I think I
will talk to his little fledgling....... He might even be useful in the=
future."

Once again, Che shrugged and lowered himself into a posh velvet chair.

"AHEM,"  Cynthia growled, crossing her own arms.

Che looked at her blankly then remembered,  "Oh, right!"  He scurried back
to packing up the files and packaging the packages.

"That's better, Sweetbuns."  She smiled and turned to the intercom.

"Hoggeth, what exactly is his 'offer'.  And if this involves his stupid
balls I'm not interested, I got my own."  She turned and blew a kiss at Che,
who obligingly caught it and placed it teasingly on his manly cheek.

Hoggle smiled inwardly at the E.I.'s jabs at Jareth.  Of course, he remained
serious as he spoke up. Never knew when Jareth might be watching....  "Well,
Miz Cynthia,"  Hoggle coughed, "His Lordliness says he wants in on the
Underground Package Market.  He says if you let him in on the deal he'll
stop harassing you and allow you to sell your goods anywhere in the=
Labyrinth."

"Allow me..._Allow_ me?!"  Cynthia scoffed in disbelief,  "He makes it sound
like he could STOP me if he wanted!"

Che, meanwhile, carried five boxes of files and several cartons of packages
in his strong arms.  He couldn't see where in Hades he was going, but he
timidly took a step forward anyway.

"Mi Querida..... where should I put-"

Cynthia put out a hand to silence Che as she thought over the deal.  After a
few minutes of clicking her nails on the intercom and pondering, she
responded in her silkiest tones.

"Hoglard, tell your little King that I will consider his offer.  If he wants
to follow up on the deal he's got to meet me here on my own turf."

"But the King said for you to come to tha' castle......"  Hoggle stopped
short as an electric blue tingle jigged around his head to snap at his ears.
"Ow!  Miz Cynthia!" he protested, tugging at a hairy lobe.  "Cor, who am I
kidding... I guess I better go tell him your answer."  Hoggle left the
intercom and started to trudge back dejectedly, wondering what Jareth was
going to do to him and where he was going to do it for Hoggle's failure to
bring Cynthia to the Castle.  As the dwarf left he could hear her pipe up
one last time.

"Oh and Hockeywart dear......tell King Jethro that, just so he knows, he
couldn't stop me if he wanted to."

Cynthia snapped off the intercom and twirled around just in time to see Che
stumble backwards into the mahogany coffee table, packages and files flying
into the air around them.

"CHE!" she gasped and ran forward worridly, "You might've scratched my=
table!"

The Antonio Banderas look-a-like got to his feet and began to chase around
the loose packages that chortled and chittered about the room.  The boxes
that had held them lay crumpled and dented at Che's feet.

"They're loose, oh grossss.... They're loose!"  Che began jumping around,
dodging the packages that skittered under his feet.

With a look of disgusted amusement, the E.I. walked over to her desk and sat
down to her papers, dipping a goose quill in a small vat of ink the color of
dried blood.  She stopped briefly to gaze at her man's tightly clad bum,
attractively arrayed across a chair as he leaned to snag a passing package.
She sighed regretfully, thinking of what she could do with that picture if
she just had the time.  But for now work came first.  She cleared her=
throat.

"You better get busy, Babes, the kingy should be popping up here
anytime....wouldn't want him seeing our inventory, now would we?"

"Yuck," Che muttered, but he reluctantly obeyed and began scooping up the
little devils two at a time.

%%~ %%~ %%~

"I can't believe how-how..." Jareth halted, unable to think of an adjective
to describe Cynthia accurately.  He gave up and sighed.

"Well, I told her youz wished her to come here... but you know Her..."
Hoggle cautiously eyed the nearest exit, preparing to run for it.

Jareth sat on the balcony railing for a moment, then stretched as he stood.
"Yes, I suppose I do know her, Hedgehog,"  the Goblin King muttered. "It
appears I'll just have to suck it up and pay the wench a visit."

Hoggle nodded in relief and fled as Jareth made himself disappear in a POOF
of smoke and glitter.

A flash of lightning outside and a swirl of sparkles cued the king's arrival
at Cynthia's casino.

"Oh really.... that introduction is sooo passe," the E.I. cackled, enjoying
the angry flush that crept over Jareth's face.

"Don't start, don't even start!"  Jareth snarled.

Cynthia gave an innocent look and continued her nail filing.

"So... why are you here?"she asked as she admired her perfectly pointed=
nails.

"You know why!" the King growled between his clenched teeth. He took a deep
breath and calmed down.  "I want to make a deal....."

"And why should I make a deal...and don't gimme that 'I'll give you access
to the Labyrinth' crap.  You and I both know that I already have all the
access I need.  So.... got anything else to offer?"

"Myself."

Cynthia's eyes widened and she covered her mouth, "Bwhahahahahah!  Ohhh
Jareth, you are a gas! Bwahahah!  Che, get a load of this, he's offering
HIMSELF!"

Che looked up from his place on the floor and gave a toothy but steely grin.

"Now, really, Jareth!"  she gasped in her giggles, "What do you have to
offer that's worth something?"

The Goblin King angrily stomped his boot-clad foot and pouted,  "I *meant*
I'd offer my powers!  And besides, I think _I_ am a pretty damn good
bargaining chip!"

"Sure ya' are, hon," Cynthia snickered and let her hand rest on Che's head.
She intertwined her fingers through Che's black hair as she considered
Jareth's proposition.

"Well, maybe _some_ of your powers are worth something... I guess... but the
partnership would be 90/10."

"50/50!"

"90/10."

"60/40!"

"90/10."

"Hey, wait a minute...you're supposed to be bargaining here!"

"Fine, fine, fine...." Cynthia rolled her eyes, "We can be 70/30 partners
but that's as far as I go. Take it or leave it."

"Alright, "Jareth gave a I-don't-care shrug despite his anger, "I suppose I
can live with that."

The Goblin King turned around to leave, his cape whipping around
dramatically.  "I'll have Hogwart draw up some papers and bring them by
tomorrow."

Cynthia stood up and smiled, "One more thing you should know. If you're
going to be MY partner.... you gotta lease your castle to me."

"WHAT?!"

"Yep.  Ohhhh... and your prize package, that puppy is up for sale."

Jareth turned back around, his face pale and his eyes bulging out.

"You have my Original?"  He squeaked before remembering he didn't have THAT
sort of thing to worry about anymore.  He didn't wear his original that much
when he had it, preferring other shapes, but the very idea!  "Like-like Hell
I will, you-you-"

"You always were good with words."

"That's it!  THAT'S ITTT!"  The King screamed, stomping both feet and
clenching his fists like a petulant child.

"Now don't get your thong in a wad-" Cynthia started...

"The deal is off! You never intended to let me in on it anyway... did you?!"

"Welllllll.... if you met all my requirements I would have..." she
snickered,  "For a little while anyway."

"I am leaving!  I'm mad as hell, and I don't have to take THIS anymore!"
The King huffed as he turned around and disappeared with a POOF.

"Geez, must be his time of the month," the E.I. sighed,  "Oh well, can't win
'em all."

Che nodded and leaned his head on Cynthia's lap.

"So, are we still vacationing?" he asked hopefully, rubbing his cheek on her
thigh as he gazed up with big dark puppy dog eyes.

The E.I. leaned her head back and stroked her boy-toy's head lovingly. "Of
course, Babe...." she purred.  "Does Haiti sound good to you?"

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

(chapters Three and Four coming up!)

========
To: marysia@jadzia.demon.co.uk (Marysia Kolodziej)
Subject: THE PACKAGE TWO:  A Piece Of The Action 3-4/9
From: rebl@sos.net (Rebecca C. Lewinski)
Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 23:21:23 -0700 (PDT)

Here we go with Chapters Three and Four...

Disclaimers see first chapter.... and if loose lucid reproductive body parts
disturb you, don't read THIS story.

Fondest chirps to You from the Evil Elves who worked on this tale....

Rebecca L. %%~ in the Great Northwest  rebl@sos.net
Dreamspinner   Dreamspinner@twilightrealm.com
Xarael  Artemis148@aol.com
April Daley  aprilpd@Netdoor.com
MadMarian  Andi Beard ab232197@oak.cats.ohiou.edu

***********

Chapter Three:  Visitations And Vexations
(Dreamspinner and Rebecca)

"AHHH!!!!  Gwydion!!!!  Help!"

A plethora of packages were surrounding the table Dreamspinner had taken
sanctuary upon to avoid the critters.  She had a flyswatter in her hands and
was lashing out at any of the things which *dared* to invade *her* personal
space (defined as the 5 foot radius around her person, but for those things
-- 50 feet!).  Gwydion and his huntsmen ran into the cottage to see the
spectacle -- and started swearing in seven different languages as they
rounded up all the little beasties.  Squeak!  Twitter!  Chirp!!!  The things
cried out in a multitude of different notes and tones.... Dreamspinner
stayed atop the table until Gwydion and the hunters had flushed out all of
the prey and rounded them up into a huge wildly convulsing canvas sack.

Gwydion calmly tried to pry the fly swatter from his wife's grip, but to no
avail -- she was stunned, shocked, and very angry about the whole incident.
She would not move from her position atop the table until they assured her
that there are no more of the damned things running about *her* realm.
Gwydion and many of the huntsmen made a thorough sweep throughout the house,
checking everywhere and finding no more of the little plagues.  Where did
all of those things come from?  And WHY were most of them bearing Jareth's
royal standard?

"Gwydion -- I'm going to be sure to drop all of those damned things right
into Jareth's apartments.  I am placing a spell on our borders as well as
over our entire land -- there will be no repeat of this little number -- oh,
no.  This is his problem -- and it should remain so.  These things will
burst into flames the moment they try to enter our realm again.  I mean it-
spontaneous combustion!  Did you hear that, creatures?"

Dreamspinner's eyes blazed and her wild hair whipped about her form like
living flames.  The sack quivered with a multitude of terrified squeaks, but
her message was well understood.  She nodded in satisfaction and, with a
whispered word, transported the things into Jareth's bed.

%%~  %%~  %%~

"Oh, bloody Hell!"  Sylvie shrieked, Little Frankie setting up quite a
racket from her pocket.

Sylvie had a most unpleasant shock when she went in to change the sheets on
the Royal Bed.  The entire top of the bed was moving under its own power!
She hadn't seen anything so revolting, since, since, well, she couldn't
remember it clearly and decided she didn't want to.  She screwed up her
courage and snatched off the covers.

Packages.  Dozens and Dozens of 'em.  She knew Jareth had strange appetites,
but this was too much even for her to tolerate.  That poor sweet Gillymander
the Master had invited to the Castle!  Oh my, as a mother, old Sylvie wasn't
going to let the poor Sprite get surprised, by, -by THIS.  This was
depraved, even for the King.  Jareth should be ashamed of himself.

Sylvie hustled out the door and called in her daughter from the guest room
she was cleaning down the hall.  "Goosespittle, baby, don't be shocked, and
watch yer ankles.  We gotta take care of some business in the Master's
rooms.  How many laundry bags ya got?"

%%~  %%~  %%~

"Didymus, I can't believe what I'm hearing.  You're petitioning me to allow
Sarah into the Labyrinth for a few days?  Why would I want that brat to
spend more time here than she already sneaks in?"  Jareth snarled.

"Sire, I realize there is that past disagreement with the fair maid, but
could'st thou put hostilities aside for Brother Ludo's nuptials next week?
Sarah has been asked to be in the wedding party."  Didymus gestured
dramatically with his staff, Ludo nodding mutely in agreement.

Jareth leaned forward in his throne, eyes drilling into the three friends.
"Asked to be in the wedding party, has she?"  They flinched back under the
intensity of his stare.  "And, Hogbrain," he continued, "whom do you propose
will be her escort to this event, hmm?"

Hoggle blushed deep crimson, his mouth working for several seconds but
nothing coming out.  How had Jareth read his mind?  But before he could
blurt out his intentions, Jareth leaned back and said, "Very well, then,
Hogwash.  Since you've said nothing as to who her escort will be, I will
escort her Myself."  He grinned evilly as jaws dropped all over the throne room.

"Si-Sire?"  Didymus stammered out.

"You heard me.  If you wish Sarah to be here for a few days, then I will act
as her escort to Ludo's wedding.  What she does the rest of the time here,
and where she stays, is up to you three.  Just keep her out of trouble and
out of my way.  Dismissed."

Jareth rose from his seat and swept off toward the Escher Room to brood.
The three friends stood there in shock and worry.  Jareth had something up
his sleeve, as he never attended Labyrinthian weddings -- but then, most of
the goblin unions never lasted more than a few hours anyway, so he perhaps
could be forgiven for that.  But What In the Underground were they going to
tell Sarah?

Jareth stalked into the Escher Room, and assumed his favorite position on
the wall opposite the door.  He leaned his head back briefly on the cool
stone, eyes closed.  He was very pleased with himself.  Sarah's Escort now,
he was.  Oh, she would just hate That.  And so would a certain Sprite.

"You realize that you are playing with fire."  Dreamspinner said softly as
she materialized in front of a startled Jareth.

He frowned.  "Why?  It will accomplish exactly what I want it to.  So what
if I have to use Sarah.  Goodness knows she's used me enough.  Fair's fair,
after all.  And she is *such* a brat."  He gazed piercingly at her through
the silky strands of his trademark wild hair.  "Why do you care?"

"Well, you aren't happy with the wish I granted you.  I take personal
offense to that."  she sulked.

He had to smile.  "Oh, I am happy... sort of.  But you did leave me in a
terrible spot."

"You're the one who enchanted a smell-sprite!"  she defended as she struck a
very indignant pose.

"In my other form, it would not have been so bad..."  he purred.

"Ewww!  You are so gross!"  she covered her mouth with her hands and tried
not to gag.

"A very mature reaction, I do dare say."  he said, raising an eyebrow.  "You
are aware of the population boom in the packages?  I set the other "Family
Jewels" free.  Aren't you proud of me?"

"For letting loose a plague?  Not bloody likely."  She then caught the
intense humor of the situation, and a single tear of mirth fell down her
cheek,  "Free Willy!!  AHHH!!!"  she almost collapsed in a fit of hysterics.
Jareth pretended to find the fit of his gloves very interesting as she
attempted to regain her composure.

"Are you quite finished, dear?"  he asked sarcastically.

She looked up at him, still smiling,  "Oh, no... this is the best."

"Naturally!" he preened, quite pleased with himself.

"Uh, right.  Sure." she said flatly, "I have to go now, but you be careful,
okay?"

"I promise."  he placed both hands over his heart and batted his eyelashes
at her.

"Something is going to happen to you... mark my words."  She shimmered away.

Jareth scowled at the place Dreamspinner so recently occupied.  Well, no
rest here..... she had rather spoiled his mood.  Perhaps his chambers would
offer refuge.....

Muttering, the Goblin King breezed into his personal quarters.  He found his
agitation increasing as he thought about the events of a month ago.  Drat.
It all would have been so much easier if things had gone according to
plan....  They both -- well, all three, counting his Package, would have
been very happy, without much of an investment on Jareth's part.  And the
rewards could have been great -- the Gillymanders were a wealthy bunch, and
gave with a free hand to those they favored.  But as Smell-Sprites they had
a very different opinion of what an enticing scent was, and were especially
partial to nesting in unwashed socks.  His Package would not have minded at
all, but Jareth minded greatly, now that King and Package were joined as
One.  The thought of sharing the same bed with his pretty Sprite and all her
old stinky socks was.... was....

Was now totally out of the question!  He fumed as he stormed about his
apartments, flinging errant pieces of his extensive wardrobe about the room.
Drat.  Double drat.  Looks like this new "gift" of his was a double edged
sword.  He finally came to rest in his favorite chair after he thought his
reservoir of pent-up energy was exhausted.  He flopped down defiantly and
glared at the silent bulge in the front of his trousers.  For some odd
reason, a slight glimmer out of the corner of his eye caught his attention.
He looked up at the mantel where the bubble-fantasy crystal sat upon a base
made to represent three pouches.  He snickered at that... his sense of humor
was remarkable, In His Humble Opinion.  The sphere glimmered and beckoned...
he smiled and with a whispered word, was inside and on the prowl.  He
chuckled darkly as his court never ceased their dance, and he joined them
with apparent glee.  Socks?!?  After all he'd been through?  Socks.  Filthy
rotten smelly stinky socks worthy of the BOES.  He gritted his teeth as he
shoved the thoughts out of his mind and focused upon something much more
pleasant.

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Chapter Four:  Invitations And Aspirations
(Rebecca and Dreamspinner)

"Hellity, bitchity, damn, damn, damn....." Hoggle muttered under his breath.
The threesome were stomping off down the main avenue of the Goblin City.

"Hoggle, my brother, do not fret so!  You know the King is bound by the
ancient laws to cause no harm to our fair lady?  She did refuse his power --
Ambrosius, a little slower please."  the tapping of Ambrosius' dog-shoes
against the cobbles slowed a bit.

"Cor, that ain't what I'm upset about, Didy.  I was hopin'...."  Hoggle
trailed off again, embarrassed.

Didymus looked at him compassionately. "That fair maiden may find thee
equally fair?"

Hoggle stared at his toes.  "Yeah, somethin' like that."  He stopped, and
gazed off at nothing as he took a swipe at his nose.  "Just to have her look
at me as something more than plain old Hoggle.  Someone who could just maybe
win her heart."

"Her heart you already hold, brother..." Didymus said softly.

"Aw, Didymus, you knows what I mean.  She don't look at me like, well, like
Ludetta looks at Ludo."  Ludo rumbled with a big goofy smile. Hoggle sighed.
"She never will, neither.  But it woulda been fun for one night to pretend
she could.  I was really lookin' forward to havin' Sarah on me arm for your
wedding, Ludo.  Now Jareth's buttin' his Kingly way in, and I'll wager for
no respectable reason..."  Hoggle stuck his hands in his pockets.  "Sarah
ain't gonna be happy about this.  Who's comin' with me to break the bad news?"

%%~  %%~  %%~

"He did WHAT?????"  Sarah screeched, forgetting to lower her voice so her
folks wouldn't hear.

"We don't got no say in it, missy.  Jareth says you ain't spendin' any time
in the Labyrinth unless he's your escort for the weddin'."  Hoggle explained
as he sprawled across her bed.

Sarah slapped her hands down on her desk as she whirled to the window, half
expecting to see that damned owl that haunted her footsteps.  "That worm is
up to something, and I'm supposed to play along?"  She glared out at the
dark.  No owl tonight.  She whipped her curtains closed.

"Dear lady, it pleases us not.  But it is the requirement set by our King
for your participation."  Didymus thumped his staff into the palm of his paw.

Ludo gently patted Sarah's arm.  "Ludo take care of Sawah..... no worry...
stay with Ludo."

Sarah smiled and tried to hug the furry creature.  "Ludo, I can't do that.
It will be your wedding night, silly.  And your honeymoon after."

"Oh, heh, yeah......!!!" Ludo stumbled.  Sarah would have bet money that he
was blushing under his fur.

"Where will I stay, guys?  No offense, Sir Knight, but I don't relish the
Bog of Eternal Stench.  And the Castle is out of the question -- not that
I'd stay there anyway."  Sarah scratched Ludo's ears.

"You'll stay with me."  Hoggle was surprised to hear himself make such a
bold offer.  He had already made arrangements for Sarah to stay with Ludo's
mother.  Didymus raised a furry eyebrow at him.  Hoggle frowned him down.

"Oh, Hoggle, that's so sweet!  Thank you!" she chirruped, swooping down on
Hoggle to kiss his cheek.  Hoggle frowned even more at Didymus, who now had
two furry eyebrows raised and coughed politely.  Hoggle sighed and
extricated himself too, too soon from Sarah's grasp.  "Didymus, you might as
well come stay too to make it look respectable.  It's not often Sarah spends
the night in the Labyrinth."  He stood up to go.  "We see you then next Friday?"

"Yep.  My folks are taking Toby down to my stepmom's parents to stay while
they go on vacation next week.  I told them I would be off camping for three
days, so it's all set to go."

"Until then, fair lady."  Didymus kissed her hand.

Ludo hugged her -- very gently.  "Bye, Sawah...."

"See ya then, missy...."  Hoggle stretched up for a hug.  Then they all
shimmered away in a sparkling cloud.

"Sarah, would you turn down your radio, hon?"  Sarah smiled at her father's
voice coming through her door.

"Sorry Dad, it's already done......."  she got out the whisk broom and began
to sweep up the glitter.

%%~  %%~  %%~

Dreamspinner carefully pulled the night's last weaving from the Loom and
sent it off to its proper destination.  She stretched with a tiny sigh, and
noticed her husband was staring at her -- and it was obvious that he had
been for some time now.  He had a bemused expression on his handsome
features, which quickly turned into one of worry as he noticed a certain Owl
flying into the open window behind his wife.  She spun around just as Jareth
materialized in a poof of feathers.

"What brings you here this eve, Jareth?" the Lord of the Wild Hunt casually
questioned.

"An invitation to a wedding." Jareth responded.  Dreamspinner turned to look
at Gwydion and then they both turned to gaze at him in disbelief.  Jareth
laughed, "No, no, no!  Not *my* wedding!  The very idea!  Ha!  Ludo's.  You
know, big dumb hairy beastie..."

"You are describing most of your subjects."  Dreamspinner countered totally
deadpan.  Gwydion covered his mouth with his hands to stifle his laughter.

"Ha.  Very funny.  Anyway, I thought you might be up for a little party.  I
normally do not attend such functions, but I have a very special guest
coming to the Labyrinth for the occasion, and intelligent conversationalists
are rare or nonexistent in my realm to say the least.  So here I am, in your
realm, to ask if you would attend.  I would be very honored if you both
would attend, dearest Dreamspinner."  He gave her his
I'm-so-generous-aren't-I look as he adjusted the fit of his cape to allow it
to flare dramatically about him and punctuate the end of his little speech.

"Let me contain my rapture."  Dreamspinner said in monotone.  This set
Gwydion off in a fit of hysterics, and he dragged his laughing self over to
sit beside his wife.  He hugged her shoulders and buried his face in her
hair as he chuckled uncontrollably.

"Well?  Are you going to accept the invitation, or not?"  Jareth asked
totally exasperated.  He flipped errant strands of his wild hair from his
eyes as he looked at them with an almost pleading expression.  Dreamspinner
sighed, "We shall see.  If no crisis arises that needs my immediate
attention, we will be there."

Jareth smiled triumphantly and an invitation appeared in his gloved hand.
He set it upon the table, bowed, then transformed back into the owl to fly
out the window.  "I eagerly await your presence!" he hooted as he left the
cottage.  Dreamspinner and Gwydion exchanged glances, then settled down for
the evening.

========
To: marysia@jadzia.demon.co.uk (Marysia Kolodziej)
Subject: THE PACKAGE TWO:  A Piece Of The Action 5-6/9
From: rebl@sos.net (Rebecca C. Lewinski)
Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 23:23:16 -0700 (PDT)

Disclaimers see first chapter.... and if loose lucid reproductive body parts
disturb you, don't read THIS story.

Fondest chirps to You from the Evil Elves who worked on this tale....

Rebecca L. %%~ in the Great Northwest  rebl@sos.net
Dreamspinner   Dreamspinner@twilightrealm.com
Xarael  Artemis148@aol.com
April Daley  aprilpd@Netdoor.com
MadMarian  Andi Beard ab232197@oak.cats.ohiou.edu

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Chapter Five:  Lullaby
(Rebecca)

Sylvie glared at the sack full of packages she had hanging in the linen
closet.  They had yet again been trying to tell her some silly story about
how it was all a big mistake, that they had actually gone to visit a Friend,
but they had come at a bad time.  They had no explanation as to how they
arrived in Jareth's quarters.  They claimed that one minute they were
dodging flyswatters, angry Hunters, and threats of the Hot Crackling Thing,
the next minute, they were snug as bugs in the King's Rug -- or rather, Bed.

Sylvie was determined to keep the lying little and not-so-little pouches
Out Of Sight and Out Of Mind until the Sprite had gone back to her own home.
They were getting awfully cranky, as they had been hanging there a few days
now and REALLY wanted to 'stretch their legs' so's to speak.  Sylvie was
tired of listening to their whimpering and considered whacking the bag a few
times with her broom handle -- that would give the little beggars something
to wail about.  Little Frankie must have picked up her thoughts, as the
pouch let out a terrified squeak.

"No, punkin', not you..." she soothed it with some loving pats to her
pocket.  "You'ze got some manners, unlike some others who claim to have
Royal breedin'..."  The laundry bag emitted several different angry hisses
and squeaks.  A squawk rolled out of Sylvie's apron, causing the bag to
thrash wildly, a crescendo of frightened squeals pealing from the bag.
"Whadja have to go and tell 'em about the broomstick fer, punkin?"  Sylvie
muttered at Little Frankie.  It responded with a sheepish chirp.

"Listen up, ya little devils!"  she croaked.  The bag fell silent and ceased
wriggling.  "Yer all here until the Gillymander returns home.  End of Story.
That's It.  I ain't budging on that."  She turned to go.

A questioning cheep rose out of the bag.  "Naw, the Master's ain't been
asking 'round for you troublemakers,"  Sylvie sighed.  "But if he does, I'll
see to it that he talks to ya.  I won't be back on duty for two days, now,
so pipe down while yer here.  I promise it won't be too much longer.  Now
hush up and go to sleep!"  Sylvie waddled out, shutting the door.

There were some excited murmurings from the bag, and an occasional hiss of
dissension.  Soon there was a chorus of excited chirps, then the bag went
silent, the excited chatter replaced with a sound very much like soft snoring.

%%~  %%~  %%~

"Cor, she should have been here 10 minutes ago.  What's the hold-up?"
Hoggle grumbled under his breath. He continued to bounce from foot to foot,
something he had been doing for the last 15 minutes.  Suddenly there was a
disturbance, then a shimmer in the air.  "There she is now, Didymus!" he cried.

Sarah dusted off the last of the glitter, and was picking up her sleeping
bag and backpack when Hoggle ran up and took them from her.  "Naw, missy,
let me pack those for ya!"

Sarah hugged him in greeting as Didy and Ambrosius rode up.  "We are right
glad to see you, fair lady!  Here, Hoggle, put m'lady's bedding behind my
saddle.  Ambrosius can more than carry it."  The dog rolled an eye back at
his master, but took the bundle on with little whimpering.

"Where's Ludo, guys?"  Sarah said as they walked in through the Gates.

Hoggle looked up with his bright blue eyes.  "Aw, his uncles have him off
somewhere for some sort of ceremony.  It started this morning.  They won't
be done with him until noon tomorrow, and then the wedding is at 6 sharp.
We've a busy night ahead of us, what with you gettin' settled in and the
rehearsal.  Let's take a left here."

The little man led the way, Sarah bringing up the rear.  She turned her head
at the sound of a rustle in the bushes.  To her surprise, a little bag
bounced out onto the path directly in front of her, then with a happy squeak
rolled up to nudge her ankle.  Didymus and Hoggle both turned at Sarah's
yelp as she jumped backwards.  

"Get -- Get out of here!  Shoo!"  Hoggle, red as a tomato, ran at the pouch
and stomped his feet.  A few more pouches rolled out to join the first,
emitting a chorus of confused chirps.  Didymus, growling, rode back and with
his staff firmly nudged the little pouches back into the bushes.

Well, they didn't look like much, Sarah thought, but the way they snuck up
on a person gave her the willies.  "Hoggle, they're nothing to be afraid of,
are they?"

"That depen-" Didymus started, but Hoggle elbowed the furry knight.  

"Oh, no, missy.  They're just, ah, curious 'bout ya, yeah.....  they're
harmless."
*mostly*, Hoggle thought.

"But, Hoggle, what are th-"

"oh, like the rest of us, just subjects of the King, my lady...."  Didymus
interjected.  "parts of them anyway..." he muttered, too softly to be heard.
He spoke out a bit louder.  "Worry not, fair maid.  Let us proceed to our
destination.  Hoggle shall lead the way, I shall bring up the rear...."

Later that evening they arrived back at Hoggle's new little house on the
edge of the Goblin City.  Sarah had to duck to go in the door, and her head
nearly brushed the ceiling, but it was quite homey with yellow curtains at
the windows.  "It was odd practicing without the groom." she said.  "But Sir
Didymus, you did make a nice stand-in.  And Ludetta is very pretty, with
that dove-grey fur of hers.  But why aren't you with Ludo tonight in that
ceremony if you're his 'brother'?"

"Oh, my lady, my part in his ceremony was this morn.  And I must not speak
more of it --secret traditions, you know.  Excuse me for a few moments, I
must tend to Ambrosius."  The little knight ducked out the door and into the
dark.

"Well, Sarah, it's late, so let's get you settled fer the night..."  Hoggle
started to shut the door and nearly caught another pouch between the door
and the jamb.  He quickly picked it up and tossed it back onto the path
where it landed with an indignant squeak.  Fortunately Sarah was too busy
getting out her night things to notice.  Hoggle stared out the window,
counting the other pouches twittering away under the street light.  Damn it,
what was Jareth thinking when he let all the extra packages loose?  They
were all a regular plague, they were, living longer than their original
owners, and the royal ones seemed drawn to Sarah.  Hoggle looked on in
disgust.  He didn't have any problem at all with Cynthia scooping up the
extras and selling them off.  Good riddance.  If she made some gold clearing
the Labyrinth of the unnatural creatures, then more power to her.  Yes,
Hoggle thought, Jareth could use a few lessons in business from ole' Cynthia....

"Penny for your thoughts, Hoggle."  Sarah was standing there in her flannel
nightie, brushing out her long dark hair.  Hoggle's heart squeezed a little
with fondness and frustration, but then a faint chirping and bumping at the
window caught his attention.  They were trying to get in!??  He was going to
give Sarah his bed, small as it was, but if the pouches found a crack to
slither through and thus enter the house...?  Hoggle felt ill.  He looked
back at a radiant and unsuspecting Sarah.

"Ah..... Sarah, ya looks beautiful and so innocent..." Hoggle padded over
and took her hand, eyes searching her face.  "Would you mind sleeping up in
the loft?"

%%~  %%~  %%~

"Mmmmmmmmm....."  Sarah sighed and stretched, listening to the noises of a
Labyrinthian night.  Hoggle had made her a very comfortable bed up in the
loft, though oddly he insisted she bring the ladder up with her.  She rolled
over and peeked down through the hatch, smiling at the sight of Didymus all
curled up nose to tail by the hearth.  Hoggle's snoring was deep and steady,
contrasting with the soft chirps, twitters, and occasional bumps coming from
around his little cottage.  The sounds were not unpleasant, she thought.  It
was rather like the sound of crickets or little finches.  She wondered
briefly if those pouches she had seen on the path to Hoggle's were
responsible for the nighttime serenade.  Well, she wasn't going to worry
about it.  Hoggle said they were just curious about her.  Whatever they were.
  
She went back to sleep.

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Chapter Six:  Get Me To The Church On Time
(Rebecca and Dreamspinner)

"Ah, Christ, he's here already?"  Sarah brushed the last strands of hair up
and into a loose chignon on her head, pinning it with an elegant silver
ornament Hoggle had made for her.  She suppressed a smirk at the look on
Hoggle's face -- it would have curdled new milk.  She ruffled the hair on
his bowed head.  "Hoggle, I'm saving as many dances as I can for you, alright?"

"Oh, I suppose, missy.  If he lets ya."  Hoggle looked up at Sarah in her
crushed velvet dress, gently taking her hand.  "You'd better go to him now,
and let me tell you before he does that ya looks stunning."  With one last
brush at his suit, Hoggle led her out to the waiting King and his black horse.

Jareth, arms crossed, looked her over with a satisfied smirk.  "My, my,
Sarah, that's quite the dress.  Not a little girl's fantasy, that one, is
it, Higgle?"

Sarah made it a point to ignore Jareth's leering glance.  "Did you bring a
horse for me to ride?"  she said brusquely.  She didn't think she was going
to like the answer.

"No, my sweeting.  You're riding with Me."  He eyed Hoggle with a sneer.
"Cozier, that way...."

Sarah grimaced and Hoggle looked purple.  Suddenly there was a whirr and a
chirp, and a few more of those little bags rolled out at Sarah's feet.  She
squeaked herself as she stepped backwards from them.  Well, Didymus did say
they were subjects of Jareth.  Might as well ask the King what they were.

"Umm, Jareth...I keep finding these pouches all over the place...."  

Jareth's hand absently strayed to his own, uh, area, then he remembered that
sort of thing was blessedly no longer a problem for him.  He considered how
best to answer Sarah's question as he nonchalantly kicked a few pouches back
into the street.  However, before he could say anything his eyes fell an a
certain young Sprite coming out of a shop.  He grinned wolfishly.

Following his glance across the street, Sarah could see a pretty young Fae
woman gazing at them in complete shock.  Without further ado and to Sarah's
disgust, Jareth swept Sarah up onto his horse and settled himself in behind
her, one arm possesively around her waist.  He spurred the big black animal
on down the street without a backwards glance.  Hoggle raised his furious
eyes and met the poor Gillymander's pained ones.

The Smell-Sprite looked after the arrogant Goblin King as he rode past.  Her
eyes narrowed dangerously.  So he wanted to play a game, did he?  She went
back to her quarters to dig furiously in a certain trunk her mother left
her.  Various unidentifiable items flew past her searching fingers until
they closed upon the right item.  Aha.  There it was... the ancient
leather-bound tome.  She flung herself into a pile of sweaty socks as she
thumbed through the crackling yellowed parchment pages... until she got to a
certain spell.  Cackling gleefully, she rolled about in the lovely socks...
plotting her revenge... it would be *most* amusing.  She giggled
uncontrollably as she imagined Jareth's reaction...

%%~  %%~  %%~

"Cor, What in the Underground is that racket??"  Toadspit couldn't believe
the din issuing from the linen closet.  The relief chambermaid cautiously
opened the door, hoping no one would notice that she had stepped away from
her task of mopping the floors.  To her astonished eyes there was a large
wriggling sack hanging from a hook. A fresh chorus of chirps assailed her ears.

"Boys, what are ye doing in here?"

Twitttttter squawk hissssssss.

"Oh, come now, Sylvie wouldn't do that to ya.  I'm sure she had a good
reason to put ya out of harm's way, especially if whatcha say is true about
them Hunters chasing you.  Now there's a bad lot....."

Dead silence from the bag.  Then Toadspit heard a faint murmuring,  "How's
that again, boys?"

Another barrage of cheeps and twitters from the bag.  Toadspit threw up her
hands.  "Ya knows I can't lets you loose unless I asks Sylvie first -- she's
the one that put ya all there!  If the King were here I could ask him, but
he's down at a weddin'!"

cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep whirrrrrrrr.

"Asks the Master to come up and talk to ya?  I can't asks him to leave the
wedding, sillies!  But, well, tell ya what:  I do have to go down that way
soon to clear the tables and get the tablecloths.  I don'ts see why ya can't
come along for the ride, and I can asks His Lordship to come out in the hall
and talks to ya.  Sound fair, boys?"

Toadspit had to cover her ears to block out the happy din.

========
To: marysia@jadzia.demon.co.uk (Marysia Kolodziej)
Subject: THE PACKAGE TWO:  A Piece Of The Action 7-8/9
From: rebl@sos.net (Rebecca C. Lewinski)
Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 23:24:54 -0700 (PDT)

Wondered how all those previous chapters were going to pull together?
Plunge ahead - put warning:  If loose body parts made you squeamish
before=85=85=85  DON'T READ!!!  This is probably very inapporpriate fare for=
a
Sunday.....  For Disclaimers, See Chapter One.

Do enjoy.

*********

Chapter Seven:  Tempting Fate
(Rebecca, Dreamspinner and Xarael)

"Dammit, Jareth, rub up against me one more time, and I swear I will yank
that thing off your frame!  I know you're trying to make that woman over
there jealous -- I can see it all over her face!"  Sarah hissed in the
Goblin King's ear.

"Ah, Sarah, I've always said you were a smart child...."  Jareth spun her
around again as they danced closer to the Bride and Groom, surreptitiously
casting a tad more fairy dust on her bared shoulder.  "As for the lady, she
wasn't asked to come here tonight, though I did invite her to stay at the
Castle for a few days..."  Jareth dragged Sarah a bit closer to him as they
made another turn in front of the Sprite.  Sarah tried to wriggle away, but
he held her tight with a forced grin.  "It's her problem if she chooses to
shadow me.  You see, I've made a point of it to spend very little time with
her, as I am trying to discourage her attentions.  She has been rather a
pest of late.  Like you, she's always dropping by unannounced."

Sarah could tell the Sprite was ready to explode, her fey fae eyes were too
dangerously bright.  Knowing Jareth couldn't really hurt her since she had
denied his power brought no comfort -- nobody said he couldn't bring her
harm or worse through another's hand.  These unpleasant thoughts skittered
around in Sarah's head until Jareth caught her attention with a brush of the
lips against her neck.   Sarah wrenched her hips back from the grinning King
and earnestly struggled to push him away.  Jareth laughed merrily, holding
her tighter in his iron grip.

"Ugh!  There's that virginal brat, Che.  Why does Jareth allow her anywhere
near the place -- she brings down the property values!  Che?  CHE!!! Look at
me!"  Che snapped his head around to blink at his amor.  "So sorry,
querida..... as you were saying?"  and his head swiveled back toward Sarah
and the King.  Cynthia resisted the urge to slap her handsome sorcerer.
Jareth, damnable man, had put some sort of glamour on Sarah - the whelp was
fairly dripping in it.  The magiked dust was turning everyone's heads
tonight, including Cynthia's own delectable demon's.  Cynthia clenched her
perfect teeth -just like that Gillymander she had noticed earlier by the
arched entry.  The sorceress blinked -- the Gillymander was obviously
boiling over with rage.  What was Jareth's game, teasing a Smell-Sprite with
that poison pet of his?  Talk about playing with a time-bomb - or stink-bomb
in this case.  Better hurry up and finish business.  Cynthia clapped a
dangerously nailed hand on both sides of Che's head to drag his wandering
gaze back around.

"Che, baby.  You know what happens when Mamma Bear gets... Upset."

"Ummm..."  Che's face took on a decidely anxious cast, full attention fixed
on the sorceress.

"Yes, you *do* remember, don't you...  " Evil Incarnate smiled dangerously,
dragging one nail down the side of her panicked amour's neck.  "Now, baby
doll, I know Jareth's made keeping your wits about you just a tad difficult
with that damn dust..."

"Yes, um, I was looking over the spell, mi querida.  Really."

"Mmm-hmmm.  So was I." Cynthia nodded.  "Seems the little King wants to make
sure SOMEBODY in this room notices just who he's dancing with."  She
gestured with her chin in the Gillymander's direction.  "Now, Studmuffin, I
need you to dance us just a bit closer to Kingy-o and his poppet.  You're
going to cut in so Jethro and I can finish our business with the package
market.  Just try not to fall down into the girl's cleavage during
negotiations, hmmmm?"  Cynthia punctuated her speech with a nail pressed
just a bit harder than was comfortable into Che's jugular.  Che gulped and
obediently moved them closer.

The E.I. considered a blinding spell for every man in the room, but pleasure
could wait.  First on the menu was to close the pouch deal.   After the
mishap some days earlier with that little beast of a goblin over the bagged
pouches, she was pleasantly surprised at Jareth's proposal of a joint
partnership.  Early negotiations were spoiled by that unpleasantness about
His Original going on the auction block.  But in the end Jareth had paid
handsomely for the silly little thing, sentiment over-ruling his better
judgement.  As Cynthia counted her impressive take, Jareth's greed got the
better of him - just as she bet it would - and he requested that she come to
the Castle tonight to re-open negotiations.  Frankly, she itching to get on
with it.  Now if she could just pull Kingy-o away from his dark-haired
harpy.......  Che's bedazzled instinct should take care of *that*.  He could
make it up to Cynthia later... one way or another... An evil smile curved
the E.I.'s full lips.

The wounded Sprite watched the magic woman dance past with what must have
been her lover, though he seemed as distracted as every other man in the
room.  That poor dwarf over in the corner looked particularly eaten up with
longing......  The Gillymander looked back in time to catch Jareth brushing
just a bit of powder into the girl's dark hair - what was up with that?  The
powder vanished into the girl, leaving her glowing on an ethereal level.
Hmmm.  The Sprite narrowed her eyes.  She couldn't believe that Jareth was
such a cad as to do this to her, parading that human around the ballroom
like some sort of perverse trophy.  Her first instinct had been to consider
some sort of magical damage, preferably smelly, to that fair young thing he
was dancing with.  But she could see the creature was having a miserable
time, especially with all eyes on her due to the subliminal influence of
Jareth's magic dust.  Better stick to the plan and go to the source, she
thought grimly as she watched the King dance.  And she knew just what to do.
Now to wait for the right moment..... not yet...... not yet..... almost.....
Yes.  NOW.

Just then Che moved himself and Cynthia to get a better -- and closer --
look at Sarah prior to cutting in.  It also put him directly in the path of
the Sprite's bolt.  He saw it coming as he turned and instinctively
attempted a warding spell.  He didn't quite get the ward up in time, but it
was enough to deflect the bolt.  Unfortunately his half-done spell bounced
the bolt off the Groom.  Then off Jareth.  Who promptly shot it back at Che.
And this time the bolt struck Home.  All three males reeled into the arms of
their astonished partners.

Ludo looked up into Ludetta's face.  "Ludo have............ small=
problem...."

Eyes half-closed, Jareth staggered up with a sly grin.  "What do you think?"
he whispered, as he yet again rubbed up against Sarah.  Her eyes went wide
in terror.

Che was speechless as the color drained from his face, Cynthia attempting to
get some sort of response.  "Mi amor!"  he finally choked out.  "Something
has........ come loose!"

The Sprite, wisely, left directly for home before she could be caught.

%%~  %%~  %%~

Dreamspinner and Gwydion danced past and she choked when she saw the
enormous bulge Jareth was proudly displaying.  Gwydion's sharp whistle
caught the Goblin King's attention, and he sauntered over to them (well,
staggered really...).

"Well.  This is certainly something, is it not?"  He posed, thrusting his
hips and losing his balance.  He caught himself (?!) and wavered slightly as
he regained his uh... footing.  Sarah threw Dreamspinner a wordless plea for
mercy and she pulled the girl away from Jareth, who could not keep a hold on
himself now -- let alone a terrified young female.

Sarah darted behind Gwydion to peek over his shoulder in horrid fascination.
"What happened?" she asked in a strangled whisper.

"It seems they are playing musical diphhs-" Dreamspinner pulled at the hand
Gwydion had put over her mouth.  He tried not to laugh... really...  The
terrified girl-child hovering behind him made him keep quieter than he
normally would have been, given the circumstances.  The wedding reception
had disintegrated into total chaos.

Jareth found himself gazing at the bulge... he couldn't quite believe it was
his.  And it inspired such awe!  He grinned as he wobbled unsteadily on his
feet.  He would just have to get used to it.  He noticed that Sarah had not
left the company of Dreamspinner and Gwydion, so he wobbled over to them.
The pandemonium had not died down as of yet... but he did not feel the need
to enforce any laws at this time.  Oh no -- he was enjoying this all way too
much.  He slid to a halt, the package stuck out a lot farther than his usual
one, so it smacked up against the refreshment table.  Ouch.  He almost
yelped with pain.

Dreamspinner noticed the whole thing and went into hysterics, "AHHH!
Hahahaha!  Be careful, Jareth, you might knock it off!"

Jareth grabbed his injured uh... pride, "No I won't."  he said ruefully.

"No one is going to get anywhere near that Thing, so why don't you just
reverse the spell?"  Dreamspinner asked.

"I rather like this.  It suits me."  he saucily retorted.

"Yeah, you are a big dimnh-!"  Dreamspinner once again removed Gwydion's
hastily applied hand from her mouth.  He was laughing heartily now.

Jareth raised an eyebrow, "I'm a What?"  he asked, noticing Sarah's=
discomfort.

"You're a  #@!*&%$#!!!!!"  Sarah shrieked.

Jareth's eyes grew dangerous and Sarah gulped and ducked further behind the
other couple.  She wished she could just leave.  She reckoned that this
whole experience would keep her in therapy till she was 40.

"What's the matter, darling?"  Jareth sneered as he lurched past Gwydion to
grab at Sarah, who turned to run to a dumbfounded Hoggle.  Hoggle tried to
wrap himself protectively around her, no mean feat because of his stature.
The grin left Gwydion's face as he placed a strong hand out to ward off the
King -- how dare he frighten such an innocent girl?  Jareth lost his balance
again and this time tumbled into a laughing heap on the floor.

"Ah, me!" he wheezed.  "I didn't know weddings could be such fune!!!"
Jareth tried to get up.  A look of puzzlement, then consternation passed
over his face as he tried again.  His center of gravity had somehow changed
with the new...... addition.

"Dreamspinner, be a dear and help me up.  I seem to be having some sort of
difficulty regaining my feet....."  Dreamspinner just looked at him.
"Dreamspinner, I cease to find this amusing.  Help me up.  NOW."

"What's the matter Jareth?  Too big for your britches?"  Dreamspinner
laughed.  She placed her hands upon her hips and her smile slipped into a
lovely scowl as she glared at him, "Order *me* about will you?  I don't
think so."  Gwydion's eyebrows raised as his wife's tone changed to one of
deadly sarcasm.  Sarah's hands flew to her mouth to cover her grin.  This
could be very amusing, and she would love to see someone take Jareth down a
few pegs.  Hoggle, however, began to slowly back away, trying to pull Sarah
to safety.  Jareth looked very uncomfortable... Dreamspinner had promised
him not too long ago that she could remove it as quickly as she had attached
it... he felt the tell-tale tingling... and the Package launched Itself out
of his pants, blowing a good-sized hole in the front of his treasured
spandex tights.

The Thing chirped loudly in a baritone from underneath the table, pulling
the tablecloth off to wrap Itself in.  It seemed to have a sense of
propriety the Goblin King lacked.  Sarah promptly fainted, but Hoggle caught
her before her head cracked against the marble floor.  "Cor..." he said
softly as his eyes opened wide in total astonishment.

"I knew you were full of hot air, but this is ridiculous."  Dreamspinner
muttered.  Jareth frantically untucked his tunic to cover his... loss.  "You
won't be able to convince that Thing to come back, so don't even try.  It
obviously doesn't like you, which is a sign of true intelligence."
Dreamspinner giggled.

Jareth frowned as he thought of a suitable retort, but swallowed it when he
realized she could probably make the situation much worse.  "Well, it was
fun while it lasted.  Now we shall have to get my old one back."

"We?"

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Chapter Eight I'd say has a pretty high squirm factor, as high as chapter
Seven.  We have a lot of -*AHEM*- loose ends to tie up, so's to speak.

We remind All one more time that Racing Goblins are just a part of goblin
physiology, and a fact of life in the Labyrinth and every little goblin
grows up knowing about such stuff.  But every little human doesn't.

For disclaimers see Chapter One.

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Chapter Eight:  Hide 'n Peep
(Rebecca, Xarael,, Dreamspinner, MadMarian - and just a teensy throw-away
sentence uttered by Her Evilness last year that spawned this whole sequel.
We dare you to find it.)

Toadspit peeked around the entry doors, expecting to see all the fine folk
dancing the night away.  Instead a scene of mass confusion greeted her eyes.
She couldn't quite tell what happened, but it looked like... -- His
Lordship's pants were in tatters in front?!  Musta been attacked again by
one of them young ladies she sometimes saw wandering the Labyrinth -- in
fact, she could swear she'd seen that one young thing before -- oh, hot
damn!  Good thing Hoggle was there to catch the silly thing.  That pitch
m'lady just took to the floor woulda hurt for a week!  She wondered if the
young woman had gotten a good look at what the tights hid.  Damn lost girls
were always completely forgetting everything once they got a gander at His
Lordship in tights.  She shook her head.  Now if the King had something
useful to offer, like a plate of fried chicken, she could understand them
girls fawning all over him....

Loud demanding chirps from the laundry cart broke Toadspit's train of
thought.  She cast a worried eye back at the wriggling sack.  She'd promised
the little guys.......  and she did have to start clearing those tables.
Maybe if she brought them in along with an empty laundry bag, she could ask
His Lordship real quick-like what to do with those pouches.  She could walk
right out again with 'em if it looked like she'd get blasted if she opened
her mouth.  The King could be funny about that, sometimes...  Toadspit
grabbed a few laundry bags with one hand and the bag of pouches with the
other, and quietly went in.

%%~  %%~  %%~

In the confusion following the Sprite's attempted revenge, Ludetta had
pulled her Groom into a darkened corner to assess the damage from the
misdirected bolt.  "Ludo okay?" she purred anxiously.

"Yeah......mmmnnno!  Ludo's....."  he stopped, at a loss for what to say.
They had saved themselves for this Night, and now.....  He gestured
sorrowfully at his groin, looking mutely into his new wife's eyes.  Not
knowing what else to do, he took her pale velvet paw and plunged it into his
fur.

Ludetta was in shock.  This wasn't the place for such things, and worse, IT
was barely there!  "Ludetta need microscope to see it," she said
contemptuously as she flung her paw away.

"But it..... not Mine," Ludo whimpered.  "Mine..... There!"  Ludetta turned
her head in time to see some Thing spring into the air, then roll under the
refreshment table.  She was in slack-jawed admiration as It yanked the cloth
off the table to hide Itself, sending all sorts of crockery and delicacies
spinning to the floor with a crash and a smoosh.  It was Magnificent.  And
she simply had to get It back.

%%~  %%~  %%~

Evil Incarnate's eyes blazed with anger as she looked at her... er...
stricken sorcerer lover.  A shocked expression had plastered itself on his
face, mixed with just the right amount of mortification and mute horror.
"I'm... I'm... Dios Mio, I'm Chirping!  For the Love of God, I'm chirping!!!
What the Hell has happened?!"  Che choked out the words, one hand moving
unconsciously towards the constantly...vibrating... part.  "I can't CONTROL
it, mi querida!"

E.I. was at his side, comforting him with soft strokes of her blood red
nails.  "Shhh, shhh, calm down, lover, babe... at least it's still there..."

Che, mercifully, didn't hear this.  The hand which had moved down to touch
the..er..new part through his clothing suddenly froze.  As did the rest of
the dark-haired sorcerer.  "Mi amor," he whispered, "this isn't mine."

E.I. eyed the, um, part for a little bit. "No.  It isn't."

It was at this point that Che's eyes opened quite wide and he fell to the
ground in a dead faint.

"Damn," murmured Evil Incarnate, "I hate it when he does that."

As she was deciding what to do about Che's, er, predicament, Cynthia heard
the sproing of the spandex as the Package burst out of its confinement.  She
turned to look and was struck dumb by the size of this particular specimen.
Too big for her market, really, but it gave her some...... ideas about the
ones she did have.

Che moaned softly.  E.I. looked down at him, caressing the side of his face
with one blood red fingernail, all the while studying his madly twittering,
er, part.  It really was jumping about all over the place.  It certainly had
a nice size to it, for all its twittering and chirping.  "It's all right,
babe...it's gonna be all right."

Dreamspinner eyed the miserable Che with compassion.  Well, maybe she could
do something...  She calmly sauntered over to E.I. and her moaning lover to
whisper something in Cynthia's ear.  The Sorceress looked up, gave a curious
grin, and nodded her consent.

Dreamspinner took Cynthia's hand and placed it upon Che's brow, then
channeled her healing magic through her fingers which still rested on the
back of Cynthia's hand, to Cynthia and then to Che.  Che opened his eyes,
which then turned immediately to his... um... package -- which had gone up a
few sizes.  He turned to look at Dreamspinner, who pointed to Cynthia who
was now wearing a self-satisfied smirk on her ruby lips.  "So, babe, how do
you feel about... trading up?"

Che looked down, looked back at E.I., looked back down, kept looking down
for quite a few minutes, his eyes getting wider and wider, not saying a
word.  "Che, baby, you're not going to faint again, are you?"

The sorcerer looked back up, then down, then out at nothing, and, finally,
at long last, at E.I.  He sighed.  "I must admit, mi querida, life with you
is never boring.  At least it was up I traded."

"Well, of course, babe.... do you think I would let you go around with
inferior equipment?"  She helped him to his feet, staring at the bulge in
his pants, and a thought suddenly struck her.  "On the other hand..."

"Que?" said Che, frowning.  "What was that?"

She pursed her lips.  "Nothing, my love, nothing."  But her eyes narrowed as
she looked across the room at the paler-than-usual Goblin King, hiding
behind the length of his tunic.  A marvelous opportunity was awaiting her...

%%~  %%~  %%~

Ludetta was considering her options, her attention momentarily drawn to the
two magic ladies attending the stricken magic man.  Maybe the magic ladies
could help make a whole beast out of Ludo=85=85  but first she'd have to=
capture
her Creature.  Ludetta resolutely dragged Ludo by the paw over to where the
colossal Thing was hiding, then squatted down to make purring and chirruping
noises while Ludo reached for It.  Suddenly there was a monstrous
"CHUUURRRRPPPP!" as the Package bolted out from under the tablecloth.  It
leaped through the air to land in a very startled Toadspit's laundry sack,
which just happened to be the right size.  The poor goblin toppled with a
shriek as the Creature thudded home into his makeshift pouch, causing her to
lose her grip on the other sacks she had been carting into the room.  Dirty
linens spilled out of one dropped sack, and to the consternation of those
who were still in the room, Racing Goblin pouches poured out of another,
their ecstatic cheeping adding to the general din.

Within seconds the freed packages were bouncing through the room and under
chairs, tables, and people's feet.  Some jumped into the arms of various
females present, only to be flung with a screech in the general direction of
the entry where they yapped their way through and out to Freedom along with
phalanxes of fleeing guests.   Hoggle watched them go, desperately wishing
he and Sarah could do the same - especially as his arms were killing him
from holding her upper body in his lap.  He flinched as the Colossal Package
sprinted past, scattering more wedding guests this way and that.  "Cor,
Sarah, we've got to get out of here.  Please, please wake up..."  Hoggle
muttered as he pinched and patted Sarah's cheeks with his free hand.  Sarah
stirred, but when she saw the current proceedings, she moaned and slipped
gratefully back into oblivion.  Hoggle finally laid her down gently on the
floor.  "Sorry, Sarah..."  he whispered, tiredly rubbing his sore arms.  It
was then that something thumped him in the back.  There was another thump,
and then before Hoggle's horrified eyes, a stray package landed with a sharp
*squeak* on Sarah's midsection, jolting her to consciousness only long
enough for her to see the twittering package on her stomach, scream, and
faint again.  Hoggle made a lunge for it, but Didymus swept it aside with
with a swoop of his staff.

"Back!  Back I say, knavish fiend!" he barked, furiously waving his staff at
the rapidly-encroaching packages, which had begun to form an eager circle
around the benighted girl.  With a new burst of adrenaline, Hoggle grabbed
Sarah under the armpits and began to drag her, inch by inch, to safety,
apologizing all the way for the indignities she was being forced to suffer.
Didymus, snarling and yipping, covered their escape by keeping at bay the
wall of nosy packages now being led by the Creature.

Before the troupe of pouches got halfway to the entry, an enraged Jareth
made another desperate leap at the enormous Package.  It easily dodged the
King's grasp, and hooting disdainfully, blew by the stunned onlookers still
at the refreshment table, upsetting Dreamspinner's hold on her goblet of
mead.  She lost her grip on the glass, which dumped its contents
unceremoniously all over Jareth's silken doublet.  His eyebrows flew
somewhere in the vicinity of his frippy hair when she screamed:
"AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  LUDO!!!  Get that Thing under control!  Yeah, I'm talking
to you!  Move it, buster!  You too, whatever You are!  Get going!  Get!
Shoo!  Shoo!!!"  She stomped her feet at It as Ludo moaned by the table.

The Thing bolted again, thumping through a maze of scattering feet and
dodging the bulk-crazed Goblin King by rolling under some chairs to leap up
onto a windowsill--no one was quite sure how it had managed such a feat of
acrobatics--in fact, only one person in the room had witnessed its
incredible jump:  Ludetta.  Her deep-set lavendar eyes had grown
uncharacteristically wide.  After all, if it was capable of *that*...such
grace!  Such athleticism!  She ambled over to where it sat, surveying the
room and hissing in Jareth's general direction.  Thankfully, the King was
now distracted by the magic woman and her apparently-recovered companion.

Ludetta held her arms out, and once again gestured to the Package to come to
her.  It shrank back, fearful, but now very curious.  She gestured again
intently, and smiled at it beatifically.  It quivered, torn:  To give up its
newfound freedom was unthinkable!  But...she was quite lovely.  Surely she
would have some delightful...traits to share with it...

Its natural instincts got the better of It, and with a gleeful *peeeep* it
plopped down into her waiting grasp.  She grinned, still wide-eyed at it,
her eyebrows disappearing into her voluminous fur.  It was a beauty... and
unbeknownst to her, It was thinking the same thing about her, wriggling
madly in her arms, eager to find a nice dark place to explore...

Ludetta returned the Thing to a grateful but slightly embarrassed
Ludo--after all, she wasn't supposed to be holding It quite *yet*--but she
was understanding and sweet about the whole thing.  The giant Package
protested vigorously when it realized it had been handed off to someone less
exciting, and Ludo stood awkwardly, holding It dumbly as if it were a bagged
snake, shuffling from one foot to the next.  Fortunately for him,
Dreamspinner was still there to put... things back as they were before.

Dreamspinner eyed Ludo with a bit of exasperation,  "Oh, wonderful.  I
suppose the best way for you to get control of the situation is to fix the
problem.  Come here, and bring that *Thing* with you."  Ludo stepped forward
with hope shining in his eyes.  Dreamspinner touched his forehead, and his
current, uh... millipackage shot off and hid quivering in fear beneath the
refreshment table.  Finding a dropped napkin, the timid little thing bundled
itself morosely in the soft folds -- really, the napkin was more like a
*sheet* to it -- and rolled and twirled deeper into the napkin until it
appeared much larger than it really was.  With new-found confidence, the
disguised millipackage sneaked out from under the table to find a nice
serviceable pouch in the laundry the goblin had so conveniently dropped when
the ENORMOUS one had blasted about the room.  It kept its wrappings... it
was ashamed of its now less-than-awe-inspiring stature, remembering fondly
the days of old when its master had displayed it with a sense of delicious
pride, but now it had its dignity to protect... and it doubted its master
would wish to be rejoined with it in its present condition.  It was sure
that no one would want it, and it hung its uh... head and cheeped sadly,
preparing to burrow further into the pile of fragrant laundry.  But then it
saw it:  a lovely bag, a bag of such rich elegance it couldn't resist
darting across the floor to claim the finely crafted article as its new
home=85.. it settled in with a thankful sigh, careful to nudge itself away
from the dangers presented by the big hairy creature's foot standing just
inches from his new home.

Dreamspinner meanwhile told Ludo to uh... put the Thing where it belonged.
He turned a lovely shade of crimson, but complied after Ludetta urged him
onward with a sharp growl.  With a flick of powerful healing magic, the
problem was solved for the newly-weds.  They eagerly moved to hug their
savior, but were calmed by her overly possessive mate.  Gwydion smiled good
naturedly, but kept his hands upon his wife's shoulders, his tight body
language clearly broadcasting the universal signal of:  'Mine!  Don't
touch!'  Ludo and Ludetta wisely settled for overzealously loud cries of:
"Dweemthpinner Fwend!"

Dreamspinner then turned to Jareth and noticed he was still staring at her
in total amazement.  "Jareth, it's been real, it's been fun, but it hasn't
been real fun.  Gotta go, babe.  You are stuck in this pickle all on your
own.  Don't call me, I'll call you.  Maybe we'll do lunch."  Dreamspinner
grabbed Gwydion's arm and they both disappeared.

"Well, I Never!" Jareth harrumphed.

"Maybe you should."  Dreamspinner's impish retort echoed throughout the
room, and Jareth bit his lip to keep from laughing.  Wouldn't want to
encourage her.  He morosely looked down at the bulge-less pair of pants he
wore and swore in a few different languages.  He wondered if he could find a
worthy specimen to replace the one he uh=85 lost and should he find one....

Cynthia smiled a wonderfully deliciously evil smile as she waltzed up to the
forlorn Goblin King.  "Well, I do believe it's time to discuss your wanting
a piece of the package market.  And speaking of packages, I might be able to
help you out... for a price."  Jareth looked up at her with a sour
expression, but knew she literally had him by the short and curlies.  He=
sighed.

========
To: labyrinth-fanfic@issl.atl.hp.com
Subject: [labyfic] THE PACKAGE TWO:  A Piece Of The Action 9/9
From: rebl@sos.net (Rebecca C. Lewinski)
Date: Wed, 19 May 1999 01:23:02 -0700 (PDT)

Hello again, One and All!

Yes, at long last we come to the end of our tale.  I couldn't quite make
myself finish editing this last chapter, and I apologize to those of you who
were waiting.  It may sound odd, but I wasn't quite ready to say goodbye to
all the fun others and I had working with Dreamspinner during her time on
the list.  [You will all be glad to know that she got a chance to hear the
near-final draft of this chapter a few weeks back.]

For those of you who read this chapter now and think of the Package stories
in the future, think also kindly of Dreamspinner, who helped birth our
little chirping friends.

Sean-Perrin Parker, this one's for you.

--Rebecca %%~ in the Great Northwest

***********
Chapter Nine:  Eeny, Meeny, Let's Go Home
(Xarael, MadMarian, Rebecca)

"So, my lovely Sorceress, let's not beat around the bush.  Name your price."
Jareth growled.

Cynthia lowered her eyes demurely, as she ever-so-gently drew one blood-red
nail down Jareth's chest, down, down, trailing scarlet through the curiously
soft, curling golden hairs of his belly, then lower, and lower still,
lingering...  her hand falling away just shy of the tattered area of his
tights.  "Mmmm-hmmm....it really is *such a pity*..."  she murmured, a
wicked grin now smeared across her blood-red lips.  One crimson fingernail
raised his chin sharply, just shy of piercing the silky skin.  "To the
sordid topic of coin then."

Two relieved male looks of 'thank God' accompanied this statement, both for
very different reasons.  One had a distinctly jealous cast to it.  E.I.
noted this, savored it, and resolved to forge ahead as planned just the
same.  It wasn't every day she had the Goblin King in such a position....
metaphorically speaking, of course.

"Let's first discuss what I plan to do, my 'little' King,"  the E.I. glanced
pointedly at Jareth's nether region -- what was left of it.  "You see,
Dreamspinner shared her little trick of... reattaching naughty little body
parts...."  E.I. strolled casually around, waving one pale hand in a
nondescript motion.  "Now, I suppose you could go back to your old
amusements and worries.... will my Package be there when I need it, where
will it be when I don't need it, -- or more importantly, with Whom... what
size should I wear today... should I color-coordinate, perhaps different
textures for different climates or maybe just for a bit of spice.  All that
sort of thing."

She turned sharply, a small, superior smile on her ruby lips.  Her voice
dropped low, dramatic.  "But I can do for you what Dreamspinner won't.  I
can make you a whole man again.  No muss, no fuss."  Her hand dropped to his
waist, gently touching the skin just below.  Then lower.  "All yours, all
the time."

Che noted with an overzealous sense of male possession that his amor was now
stroking a transfixed King's... well... what would have been.... that is, if
he had... but seeing as how that was the point... because he didn't have...
but if he did... never mind.   Suffice it to say, his querida mala was
thoroughly occupied.

Jareth's eyes became misty as he grasped EI's hand, a husky note creeping
into his usually seductive voice.  "A whole man again... and if I should
agree, which... package... would be mine permanently -- seeing as how the
one I entered here with -- or something very like it -- is somewhat occupied
at the moment."  He fixed his gaze pointedly at Che.

Che felt his face turn a very unhealthy shade of crimson.

E.I., however, took it all in stride, proper ruthless businesswoman
extraordinaire that she was.   "Which package shall we join you with..." she
purred,  "One, of course, that befits your stature as the heartthrob of all
those hormonal girls you insist on bringing here... let's see..."  they both
turned to view the many pouches that still littered the room.

Jareth surveyed the... candidates... for a long while before turning a
disdainful glance back towards E.I.

"Well, to be quite honest, after the last one I so briefly possessed, they
all seem too... small.  Including his."  Jareth eyed Che.

The scarlet color of Che's face had the sudden added crimson of wounded=
pride.

And all the pouches, of course, began to pout.

Then Che lunged toward Jareth, muttering, "That is all I can take from
this--"

But Cynthia raised a hand coolly, and Che's raised fist froze in mid-swing.
"Babe, calm yourself.  You know I never allow personal feelings to interfere
with a business deal.  You'll just have to satisfy your... hm, passions,"
she said, allowing her eyes to run down the length of his immaculately-clad
body, "another time."

The purple tones of rage began to recede from Che's face as he gazed at
Cynthia for a long moment.  Then his tense posture relaxed, slowly, and he
stepped back.  "Of course, of course... business first... if it *is*
business..."  His eyes shifted back toward Jareth, narrowing.  "Another
time, your... highness."
Jareth only cocked an eyebrow coolly at the sorceress's companion, then
turned to E.I. again.  "As I was saying, the size--"

"Size and shape, Jethro, is something that can be easily fixed,"  Cynthia
sighed, green eyes rolling at male vanity.  "Naturally such upgrades will
cost a tad extra...  But really, I'd be more concerned with existing agility
and stamina, if I were you," she said with a small feral smile.  "Just pick
one and we can get this over with."

Jareth studied the pouches a bit more closely, packages cheeping dubiously
as he picked up one and then another, testing the heft.  The others
scampered away in full hiss before Jareth could lift anymore, some rolling
around behind him to make for the exit.

He narrowed his eyes, looking at the fastest ones.  "Stamina, eh?" he
murmured, and sprang into a run after them.  The fastest one glanced back
with a "Screeeeeeeeep!" and scrambled frantically into an overturned
spittoon, from which it peeked out at Jareth and released a ferocious
"Hisssssss."  He frowned and turned to another that was lolloping away at
full-tilt, gathered himself, and launched a tackle that would have made any
linebacker proud.  But the speedy package wriggled out of his grasp at the
last minute and disappeared into a tangle of draperies in the corner.

Jareth cursed and slammed a fist down on the cold castle floor, as Che
stifled a satisfied chuckle.

Cynthia thoughtfully watched the last remaining packages roll and inch their
way toward similar cover, tapping her nails on the edge of an overturned
table.  "Seems you have a popularity problem."  She kicked a few more stray
packages, which were becoming entirely too fond of her ankles, aside with
her stiletto-heeled foot.  "You still have your Original that you bought
back at auction last week?"

"That little thing?  Yes, but it's completely unsuitable for-"    

"I *said* I can change that," she snapped.  "What you need most is a package
that Likes you and won't let you down at the wrong moment.  By accident of
its birth your Original can't help but like you.  I can make your Original
fulfill all your dreams... for a lease on the West Wing of the Castle."

"The West Wing - N-No!" Jareth gasped.

"You do want to be a whole man, don't you?" E.I. said, giving the Goblin
King a sharp smile.

Jareth frowned, rolling his eyes.  "Of course I do, but--"

"And surely you know I can't do something like that for free..."

He grimaced.  "Of *course*..."

"Then stop complaining and pay up.  Otherwise... there's always *these*."
Cynthia made a small movement of her hand.

Jareth flushed angrily at finding himself holding a pair of conjoured socks.
A retort took shape on his lips until he followed the sorceress' gaze
downwards, to the spot where his package should have been.  "All right," he
snarled, "I'll pay your price.  But I want to know just what you have
planned for the West Wing."

Cynthia smiled, sharp teeth gleaming.  "I thought you might."

In a swirl of red-flecked glitter the trio arrived on the main floor of the
Casino, which was in full swing on a jumping weekend night.  Jareth turned
to stare at a loathsomely familiar face in the crowds.  That wasn't *Fowler*
at one of the gaming tables, was it?  And he was covering his bets with...
small goblins?  Jareth looked around.  Seemed a lot of small goblins were
employed by the Casino... Well-well.  Jareth always wondered what Fowler did
with his catch.  Jareth watched another goblin trot by with a tray of
drinks, the clumsy creature unfortunately catching a foot on a chair leg and
sending the platter spinning.  The tray landed on a seated goblin's head,
who gleefully sucked up the spilled drinks from the table and carpet and
then tipped the waitress extra for having such 'foin form' and doing a 'foin
job of servin'.  Jareth shook his head and followed E.I. and her demon into
the main offices.

Che immediately started over to a gleaming liquor cabinet to get out martini
glasses and olives.  Cynthia stepped over to her impressive bank of video
screens, gesturing for Jareth to follow.  The promising rattle of ice being
shaken, not stirred filled the room as Cynthia picked up a remote and turned
to the screens.  With a click of her finger, Jareth found himself staring at
several views of a small white room.  He grimaced.  A rather rotund goblin,
drink in hand, had his putrid towel-covered flesh arrayed on a padded table.
Jareth felt his gorge rise as a scantily-clad female goblin with tremendous
breasts waddled in with a bucket of soapy water.  The attendant looked
suspiciously like his chambermaid, Jareth thought.  Before he could
determine if it was, the goblin woman dumped her bucket on the other goblin
and proceeded to scrub him down with a stiff brush, peeling off great wads
of embedded dirt.  She then flipped him onto his stomach and continued her
work to the pleasurable moans of her customer.  Jareth remembered seeing and
doing something like this before, in, oh where was it - in a-

"TURKISH BATHS??  FOR GOBLINS?????  IN MY WEST WING?????!!!!" the King
blurted as Che handed Cynthia her martini.

She looked over the rim of her glass.  "Hush yourself.  It gets better."

The bath attendant walked over to the door, taking down a red flyswatter as
she opened it.  She put a whistle to her bulbous lips and blew three hoots.
Immediately a troupe of racing goblin pouches filed in, rolling obediently
up a little ramp onto the customer's back.  With a crack of the flyswatter
and a toot of the whistle, the little packages began hopping up and down in
a wave, their coordinating thumpity-thumps effecting a sort of massage.
Jareth's jaw dropped, the sounds of "oh yeah, that's the stuff..  mmmmmm...
a little more to the right...  Yes!!!" filling his ears as he observed
dozens more goblins lining up for the Bath.

This was obscene.

This was nauseating.

This would make money.

Lots of Money.  Jareth wanted In.

"You've got the West Wing," he breathed huskily.  "And in addition to my new
Package, I want a piece of the action.  We share 50/50."

Cynthia snorted into her drink. "Oh, no-no-no-no-no!!!!!  90/10."

"50/50!"

"90/10."

"50/50!!!  It's MY Castle you're leasing!"

"90/10.  Do you want your unit back or don't you!"

"60/40!"

"90/10!"

Che leaned back, crossing his arms.  This could take a while...

"65/45!"

"90/10!"...

%%~  %%~  %%~

"Well, all's well that ends well," Dreamspinner sighed, "I think."  She took
one last look in her crystal at the negotiations.  Bickering again like
children...  Well, at least some good came of the evening...  the stray
packages were now gainfully employed and not roaming about unchaperoned.
She stroked Gwydion's strong arm that encircled her waist and handed him the
crystal.

Gwydion took the crystal in his free hand, his gaze turning into an
expression of fascinated disgust.  "The amazing thing, Bright One," he said
finally, turning the orb, "is that the goblins are the same colour coming
out of the bath as they are going in.  You'd think that peeling off all that
dirt would change something."

Chuckling, the Moon's Daughter gently took his other hand from her waist to
lead him to their room.  "Perhaps the scrubbing would change their smell, in
which case I'm all for it."  She smiled as he buried his head in her hair to
take a deep whuff.  She thoughtfully stroked his cheek.  "Maybe I should
have stayed to offer Jareth my assistance in putting Humpty-Dumpty back
together.  Cynthia can drive a hard bargain."

"That's Jareth's look-out."

"I should have seen Sarah home."

Gwydion took his wife's face in his hands.  "Sarah is a big girl now, and
she has Didymus and Hoggle to watch over her tonight and see that she gets
safely to her own bed.  And,"  Gwydion scooped up his smiling wife, "I'll
see about taking you safely to ours..."

%%~ %%~ %%~

"Oh my god, Hoggle, are they really all gone?"  Sarah sat up in the dirt,
looking anxiously around.  Hoggle nodded, patting her hand while Didymus
stood guard, challenging every rustling leaf to come out and fight knight to
pouch.  Didymus' ringing voice was giving Sarah a bigger headache than she
already had.

"Yes, missy, all gone for now," Hoggle soothed.  "But you don't look so
good, Sarah.  I thinks you should head home instead of spending another
night.  And there ain't no telling what his Lordship is thinking and what he
could be doing in the next little whiles.  I'll come visits ya in a few
days, all right?"

"Um, yeah, Hoggle.  Just help me to my feet."  Sarah and Hoggle staggered up
together, Didymus offering his staff as support.  "Let me dust myself off a
little, and brush the leaves out of my - oh damn."

"Sarah?" both knight and dwarf looked up at their friend.

"My hairbrush is in my purse.  I must have left it back there in the
ballroom.  Oh, de-"

"Fear not, fair lady.  Easily retrieved."  And with that Didymus scurried
off into the night

Hoggle looked up awkwardly at Sarah, finding himself suddenly tongue-tied.
"I-I-I suppose we should have told you about the pouches a long time ago,
missy," he finally stammered. "It's just that, we's used to them, but
someone like you isn't.  We shoulda warned ya-"

"Hoggle, there's no way to prepare ANYONE for those things.  I'm just glad
that you were there tonight and -oh.  There's Didymus already with my bag."
Didymus handed it to her with a flourish and a kiss on her outstretched=
hand.

"Proud to serve, my Lady.  And I bid you safe journey."

"And I wish the same for thee, good Knight."  Sarah kissed the top of his
head and turned to hug Hoggle.
"Hoggle, 'til we meet again?"

Hoggle looked into her dark eyes, fighting an impulse to kiss her.  "Yes,
Sarah until we meet again."

Sarah raised a hand to take herself home, one arm still around the little
man.  Hoggle figured to Hell with his indecision, and kissed her just as she
started to fade.  An astonished bark fell on his ears, and Hoggle turned to
face a dumbfounded Didymus.

"What are you lookin' at, Didy?"  Hoggle growled, but his heart was light.

%%~ %%~ %%~

"Lord is it EVER good to be at home!  Nice, normal, boring -- but in a good
way -- home!!!"  Sarah exhaled, already feeling the events of the last
several hours falling away.

She busied herself with dusting the glitter off her dress.  She paused,
listening: good, her dad and stepmom hadn't come home early, as she feared
they might have, to wonder why she was suddenly in her room, in a rumpled
velvet dress with her hair falling down, and covered with glitter, instead
of out camping.

She sighed, glad to be out of the... horror of Ludo's reception, with those
icky... things everywhere!  She shuddered, remembering... then shook her
head.  Therapy 'til she was 60, she was sure of it!  No, she thought, best
just to forget all about it.  Some memories are better off blocked.  Though
some others, oddly,  weren't so bad.  Bemused, she touched her lips.  Hoggle
kissed her?  Dear sweet Hoggle=85

Sarah quickly changed into her favorite p.j.'s and let her hair down out of
the silver clasp, placing the ornament carefully on her dresser.  Now where
had she put her hairbrush?  Oh, yes, she remembered -- it was still in the
purse she'd carried to the wedding.  Thank God or Whoever Didymus had been
able to find it.  The purse perfectly matched her dress, and she had paid
nearly as much for it.  It would have been a great pity if it had been
lost...  She snatched the purse off the bed and loosened the drawstrings.
She reached inside, rummaging and humming softly to herself, and her hand
clasped something...

But it wasn't her brush.

She gasped in realization, jerked her hand back and screamed, before
fainting in a heap onto her bedroom floor.  The purse fell with a soft
*cheep* beside her, and began to wriggle and twitch eagerly as its occupant
headed out of the darkness toward the light and freedom...

--THE END-- ???????

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(twitter-chirp-whirrrrrrrr=85=85..)